My rant on Twilight Fans

F you are an horney little adolescent who claims the twlight series and one of the greatest works of fiction PAY ATTENTION.

note- personally I despise Twilight from the deepest depts of my cold heart so this rant might be slightly (meaning tremendously) neurotic or extremist sounding.So if I offend any of you, it's all on your sucky reading ass because I warned you.Oh yeah, and just so you pathetic little aspiring vampire brides know, I read the whole bloody series even that train wreck Midnight Sun (I see why see doesn't publish it) so my opinion matters, probably even more than your because unlike most Twlight fans I am addicted to the simple act of reading and probably read more books than you and your lame vampire mates all together.

1.) Stephanie Meyer writes worst than a Middle Eastern writer high in an opium den

2.) I understand that she is attempting to reach a certain audience and all that cheery stuff but does it require for her writing to be on the edge of "Valley" slang.

3.) If I have to read one more story about a gorgeous girl who found out she was pretty when some boy told her or made her feel that way I will find the president of a Romance publisher and beat him with a large wet noodle (I got that idea from the series of Unfornuate event's which unlike twlight is actually witty and touched my cynical heart)until he consents to publish real stories, like harry potter.

4.)WTF is wrong with stephanie Meyer's lips did she get of Mother Nature so pissed off from reading her crappy novel or did God just hate her writing so much that he decided to punish her for it

5.) If there was a freaky vampire stalking me, Regardless if he was atractive or not, I would never feel flattered or like it.I would go to the nearest church and kill myself so god can save me from this pyscho creature.

6.)In twilight the (bloody terrible) movie why does Edward bring Bella all the way up to a sucluded plateau just to watch him freakin sweat?

7.)Joseph was the only worth while character in the book, and she did the appropriate thing with him (besides the pedophila) Good Job Steph!someone's been listening in creative writing 101.

8.)You losers if you EVER FUCKING (excuse my profanity)TELL ME THAT I DO NOT APPRECIATE GOOD LITERATURE OR THAT I NEED TO READ MORE BLOODY VAMPIRE BOOKS TO REACH TO FULLY COMPREHEND THOSE SIMPLISTIC 6TH GRADE LEVEL TEENAGE ROMANCE NOVELS,I WILL COME O YOUR HOUSE AND STICK JAMES PATTERSON AND JK ROWLING BOOKS DOWN YOUR UNCULTURED ASSES!

9.) I hate modern romance novels besides the lovely and talented Meg Cabot books of course.

10.) Victor should be Edward (that was for chrianya)

11.) I hate happy endings

12.) I hate enternal love, that supposedly comes from lust or desire (yummmy) it isn't possible unless you were mates before hand and decided to jump each others bones afterward.

13.) No boy, man ,or magestic being would ever let down a girl asking to get "some" so, what would have really happened was that instead of going to prom and having 4 more (terrible) books is that Edward and Bella would be procreating and during the act she would of somehow gotten her head bitten off.

14.)There are no good vampires.end of story.no excuses unless you accuratley know mythology.

15.) Is blushing the only emotion Bella is capable of?!

16.) Why would Bella miss Arizona?I lived there and it's a certifiable (mexican) hell hole.

17.)In this century alone there already have been too many novels about pale dark haired people. do you know that blonds and redheads can be good main characters too?

18.) why is the only black person in the whole bloody novel a black person.

19.) Edward is a lame excuse for a man! Bring me Rhett Butler or Paris and I'll show you some real chivilarous actions.

20.)There no not bloody fighting sceans only confrontations and attacks!Do you losers really comprehend how truely lame that is?

You know what,I' don't care how your day was I fucking hate you guys! get hell away from my notes before i find a real vampire (maluan) and see if he wants to be in an eternal relationship with you or just wants to rip your throats out(or of course you could always just sacrifice one of your mates and become of of his sex slaves if your nice looking enough,which you guys usally aren't)?!