Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
My rant on Eurotrash
If you are from European American or a European that brought it's trashy self to America PAY ATTENTION
Note-I generally like European's however their are just some pieces of real Eurotrash walking through the streets of this wounderful country,even city,even school,even in the grade closest to yours at school,maybe you even had a class with them (pyschology, which of course is just an example of a class that a Eurotrash might go in)that you go to and I just want to get all my anger out from these horrific examples of a Europeans.
1.)The Queen is a old dried up money bag who is older than some of the Jewels she wears around her liver spotted neck.
2.)I hate the Euro, for thinking it is better than my sweet American dollar just because it's worth more in the international market.
3.) I hate Thomas Hardy!Not only are his books boring than watching a Hannah Montana marethon,he uses lame and obscure refrences about English life that makes me stop for reading the torture those dim witted English call literature, and look it up on Britanica.com.
4)Great Expectations (need I say more)
5.)Whoever decided it was a splendid idea to allow techno music fall into the hands of the European public obviously hasn't heard Cascada sing(or at least simulate the act).
6.)I hate those terrible t-shirts that have the hideous English Flag on them and anyone who wears one of those abombinations should be impaled by one of Hitlers back hair razors
7.)Why must you like tea?I know from experience having tea forced upon on in every possible moment(even in the bloody summertime) is one of the most aggrevatating things to happen to a human next to being tapped on the shoulder repeatdly by some ass hole's bony finger when they want to get your attention.
8.) Stop standing so close to me and touching my shoulder!I hate unnessary physical contact with dirty pieces of Eurotrash!Aslo stop that I'm going to talk with you with my eye's looking deeply into yours so it becomes a staring contest thing you you guys have going on.
9.) Don't correct my English when you can't even spell Freud.
10.) I despise dirty socialist
11.) I despise dirty fake, democracys'
12.) What's with your women, do they not have good razor's in Europe?
13.) Same for men, are their deodorent shortages in Europe? Well not in the US so slather it on oh sticky hairy ones.
14.)You make Americans feel fat (we are, but you shouldn't make us feel bad about it)
15. People from the UK sound like they have potatos lodged down thier grimey socialist throats
Now that that's off my AMERICAN (oh yea green card) chest, how are you ladies and gentlemen doing today?
Note-I generally like European's however their are just some pieces of real Eurotrash walking through the streets of this wounderful country,even city,even school,even in the grade closest to yours at school,maybe you even had a class with them (pyschology, which of course is just an example of a class that a Eurotrash might go in)that you go to and I just want to get all my anger out from these horrific examples of a Europeans.
1.)The Queen is a old dried up money bag who is older than some of the Jewels she wears around her liver spotted neck.
2.)I hate the Euro, for thinking it is better than my sweet American dollar just because it's worth more in the international market.
3.) I hate Thomas Hardy!Not only are his books boring than watching a Hannah Montana marethon,he uses lame and obscure refrences about English life that makes me stop for reading the torture those dim witted English call literature, and look it up on Britanica.com.
4)Great Expectations (need I say more)
5.)Whoever decided it was a splendid idea to allow techno music fall into the hands of the European public obviously hasn't heard Cascada sing(or at least simulate the act).
6.)I hate those terrible t-shirts that have the hideous English Flag on them and anyone who wears one of those abombinations should be impaled by one of Hitlers back hair razors
7.)Why must you like tea?I know from experience having tea forced upon on in every possible moment(even in the bloody summertime) is one of the most aggrevatating things to happen to a human next to being tapped on the shoulder repeatdly by some ass hole's bony finger when they want to get your attention.
8.) Stop standing so close to me and touching my shoulder!I hate unnessary physical contact with dirty pieces of Eurotrash!Aslo stop that I'm going to talk with you with my eye's looking deeply into yours so it becomes a staring contest thing you you guys have going on.
9.) Don't correct my English when you can't even spell Freud.
10.) I despise dirty socialist
11.) I despise dirty fake, democracys'
12.) What's with your women, do they not have good razor's in Europe?
13.) Same for men, are their deodorent shortages in Europe? Well not in the US so slather it on oh sticky hairy ones.
14.)You make Americans feel fat (we are, but you shouldn't make us feel bad about it)
15. People from the UK sound like they have potatos lodged down thier grimey socialist throats
Now that that's off my AMERICAN (oh yea green card) chest, how are you ladies and gentlemen doing today?
My rant on Twilight Fans
F you are an horney little adolescent who claims the twlight series and one of the greatest works of fiction PAY ATTENTION.
note- personally I despise Twilight from the deepest depts of my cold heart so this rant might be slightly (meaning tremendously) neurotic or extremist sounding.So if I offend any of you, it's all on your sucky reading ass because I warned you.Oh yeah, and just so you pathetic little aspiring vampire brides know, I read the whole bloody series even that train wreck Midnight Sun (I see why see doesn't publish it) so my opinion matters, probably even more than your because unlike most Twlight fans I am addicted to the simple act of reading and probably read more books than you and your lame vampire mates all together.
1.) Stephanie Meyer writes worst than a Middle Eastern writer high in an opium den
2.) I understand that she is attempting to reach a certain audience and all that cheery stuff but does it require for her writing to be on the edge of "Valley" slang.
3.) If I have to read one more story about a gorgeous girl who found out she was pretty when some boy told her or made her feel that way I will find the president of a Romance publisher and beat him with a large wet noodle (I got that idea from the series of Unfornuate event's which unlike twlight is actually witty and touched my cynical heart)until he consents to publish real stories, like harry potter.
4.)WTF is wrong with stephanie Meyer's lips did she get of Mother Nature so pissed off from reading her crappy novel or did God just hate her writing so much that he decided to punish her for it
5.) If there was a freaky vampire stalking me, Regardless if he was atractive or not, I would never feel flattered or like it.I would go to the nearest church and kill myself so god can save me from this pyscho creature.
6.)In twilight the (bloody terrible) movie why does Edward bring Bella all the way up to a sucluded plateau just to watch him freakin sweat?
7.)Joseph was the only worth while character in the book, and she did the appropriate thing with him (besides the pedophila) Good Job Steph!someone's been listening in creative writing 101.
8.)You losers if you EVER FUCKING (excuse my profanity)TELL ME THAT I DO NOT APPRECIATE GOOD LITERATURE OR THAT I NEED TO READ MORE BLOODY VAMPIRE BOOKS TO REACH TO FULLY COMPREHEND THOSE SIMPLISTIC 6TH GRADE LEVEL TEENAGE ROMANCE NOVELS,I WILL COME O YOUR HOUSE AND STICK JAMES PATTERSON AND JK ROWLING BOOKS DOWN YOUR UNCULTURED ASSES!
9.) I hate modern romance novels besides the lovely and talented Meg Cabot books of course.
10.) Victor should be Edward (that was for chrianya)
11.) I hate happy endings
12.) I hate enternal love, that supposedly comes from lust or desire (yummmy) it isn't possible unless you were mates before hand and decided to jump each others bones afterward.
13.) No boy, man ,or magestic being would ever let down a girl asking to get "some" so, what would have really happened was that instead of going to prom and having 4 more (terrible) books is that Edward and Bella would be procreating and during the act she would of somehow gotten her head bitten off.
14.)There are no good vampires.end of story.no excuses unless you accuratley know mythology.
15.) Is blushing the only emotion Bella is capable of?!
16.) Why would Bella miss Arizona?I lived there and it's a certifiable (mexican) hell hole.
17.)In this century alone there already have been too many novels about pale dark haired people. do you know that blonds and redheads can be good main characters too?
18.) why is the only black person in the whole bloody novel a black person.
19.) Edward is a lame excuse for a man! Bring me Rhett Butler or Paris and I'll show you some real chivilarous actions.
20.)There no not bloody fighting sceans only confrontations and attacks!Do you losers really comprehend how truely lame that is?
You know what,I' don't care how your day was I fucking hate you guys! get hell away from my notes before i find a real vampire (maluan) and see if he wants to be in an eternal relationship with you or just wants to rip your throats out(or of course you could always just sacrifice one of your mates and become of of his sex slaves if your nice looking enough,which you guys usally aren't)?!
note- personally I despise Twilight from the deepest depts of my cold heart so this rant might be slightly (meaning tremendously) neurotic or extremist sounding.So if I offend any of you, it's all on your sucky reading ass because I warned you.Oh yeah, and just so you pathetic little aspiring vampire brides know, I read the whole bloody series even that train wreck Midnight Sun (I see why see doesn't publish it) so my opinion matters, probably even more than your because unlike most Twlight fans I am addicted to the simple act of reading and probably read more books than you and your lame vampire mates all together.
1.) Stephanie Meyer writes worst than a Middle Eastern writer high in an opium den
2.) I understand that she is attempting to reach a certain audience and all that cheery stuff but does it require for her writing to be on the edge of "Valley" slang.
3.) If I have to read one more story about a gorgeous girl who found out she was pretty when some boy told her or made her feel that way I will find the president of a Romance publisher and beat him with a large wet noodle (I got that idea from the series of Unfornuate event's which unlike twlight is actually witty and touched my cynical heart)until he consents to publish real stories, like harry potter.
4.)WTF is wrong with stephanie Meyer's lips did she get of Mother Nature so pissed off from reading her crappy novel or did God just hate her writing so much that he decided to punish her for it
5.) If there was a freaky vampire stalking me, Regardless if he was atractive or not, I would never feel flattered or like it.I would go to the nearest church and kill myself so god can save me from this pyscho creature.
6.)In twilight the (bloody terrible) movie why does Edward bring Bella all the way up to a sucluded plateau just to watch him freakin sweat?
7.)Joseph was the only worth while character in the book, and she did the appropriate thing with him (besides the pedophila) Good Job Steph!someone's been listening in creative writing 101.
8.)You losers if you EVER FUCKING (excuse my profanity)TELL ME THAT I DO NOT APPRECIATE GOOD LITERATURE OR THAT I NEED TO READ MORE BLOODY VAMPIRE BOOKS TO REACH TO FULLY COMPREHEND THOSE SIMPLISTIC 6TH GRADE LEVEL TEENAGE ROMANCE NOVELS,I WILL COME O YOUR HOUSE AND STICK JAMES PATTERSON AND JK ROWLING BOOKS DOWN YOUR UNCULTURED ASSES!
9.) I hate modern romance novels besides the lovely and talented Meg Cabot books of course.
10.) Victor should be Edward (that was for chrianya)
11.) I hate happy endings
12.) I hate enternal love, that supposedly comes from lust or desire (yummmy) it isn't possible unless you were mates before hand and decided to jump each others bones afterward.
13.) No boy, man ,or magestic being would ever let down a girl asking to get "some" so, what would have really happened was that instead of going to prom and having 4 more (terrible) books is that Edward and Bella would be procreating and during the act she would of somehow gotten her head bitten off.
14.)There are no good vampires.end of story.no excuses unless you accuratley know mythology.
15.) Is blushing the only emotion Bella is capable of?!
16.) Why would Bella miss Arizona?I lived there and it's a certifiable (mexican) hell hole.
17.)In this century alone there already have been too many novels about pale dark haired people. do you know that blonds and redheads can be good main characters too?
18.) why is the only black person in the whole bloody novel a black person.
19.) Edward is a lame excuse for a man! Bring me Rhett Butler or Paris and I'll show you some real chivilarous actions.
20.)There no not bloody fighting sceans only confrontations and attacks!Do you losers really comprehend how truely lame that is?
You know what,I' don't care how your day was I fucking hate you guys! get hell away from my notes before i find a real vampire (maluan) and see if he wants to be in an eternal relationship with you or just wants to rip your throats out(or of course you could always just sacrifice one of your mates and become of of his sex slaves if your nice looking enough,which you guys usally aren't)?!
My rant on Social Climbers
f you are one of those manipulative,backstabbing social climbers PAY ATTENION. I'm going to tell you guys what everyone thinks of you and possibly what your enemies say behind your putrid backs.
1.)Stop acting intrested about peoples boring lives everyone can see through your desprate ploys to be universally accepted.
2.)Don't laugh when my joke sucks, a real friends something like,"how your just not getting it today." Not,"ha ha (disgustingly fake laugh) your sooooooooo funny!I wish i was funny like you.ha ha (more of the laugh don't you guys know you sound like a six month old cat giving birth on top of a tin roof?)
3.)If you see someone is openly upset or crying do not ask what is wrong it annoys the hell out of them unless they are asking for attention (just like something a dirty social climber would do)
4.) Don't put down yourself just because you know the other person will feel better about it hen you do it (it NEVER works)
5.) Don't ever talk about me behind my back ( you know who you bloody well are you dispicable anus hole) unless you want a war with me.And trust be I'm worst than Bush when he found out Dawson's Creek was canceled.
6.) Don't talk about people with me,I won't tolerate it, because unlike you I don't give a damn about what anyone thinks of me (except a few zebras I know out there and one bitchy Canadian)
7.)You guys always think your more attractive than you actually, are well your not.The lack of originality and a soul cancel's out any potential attractivness.
8.) Don't play things off so you look cool to your friends then fish for compliments.Ex.
Matt- good job on that home run dude
Charlie-yea! you did a banging good job!
Fred-leave me alone I'm tired,that really took alot out of me
Matt- i could tell
Fred-yea, and my leg was hurting before so i didn't even think i could even hit a ball
Charile-wow good job under all that pressure
Fred-yea, and my cat just died
Sarah- poor baby
Fred-yea,(fake tear) poor mopsie, she died of the worms
Sarah-Worms it only cost 25$ to fix the worms
Fred -(correcting himself) yea, but really dangerous um, hybrid worms(oh the lies keep on coming),I hope I hit better next time though
charlie-better?you just hit a home run
Fred-I know but it went a little too left
Sarah-Are you fishing for compliments(uh oh)?
Fred-what! no,no,never (dirty lying sumbag)
Sarah-Omg! you are
Fred- No I'm not!(sqeaky voice
Sarah- then why the s-ss-studering?
charlie-ha ha ha how embarassing
Matt-Dude you're so lame
sarah- let's go to burger King ,with out Fred
Charlie-by dude, see you never
Matt-Cough*loser*
The End
9.) Don't lie to people and say their outfits look nice when they really look like they decided to wear a shirt that had been vomited on by first graders who ate to much christmas cake.
10.) So in essence stop making complete ass of yourselves and let your personality(no matter how sucky it is) shine
So, how are you ladies and gents doing today?
1.)Stop acting intrested about peoples boring lives everyone can see through your desprate ploys to be universally accepted.
2.)Don't laugh when my joke sucks, a real friends something like,"how your just not getting it today." Not,"ha ha (disgustingly fake laugh) your sooooooooo funny!I wish i was funny like you.ha ha (more of the laugh don't you guys know you sound like a six month old cat giving birth on top of a tin roof?)
3.)If you see someone is openly upset or crying do not ask what is wrong it annoys the hell out of them unless they are asking for attention (just like something a dirty social climber would do)
4.) Don't put down yourself just because you know the other person will feel better about it hen you do it (it NEVER works)
5.) Don't ever talk about me behind my back ( you know who you bloody well are you dispicable anus hole) unless you want a war with me.And trust be I'm worst than Bush when he found out Dawson's Creek was canceled.
6.) Don't talk about people with me,I won't tolerate it, because unlike you I don't give a damn about what anyone thinks of me (except a few zebras I know out there and one bitchy Canadian)
7.)You guys always think your more attractive than you actually, are well your not.The lack of originality and a soul cancel's out any potential attractivness.
8.) Don't play things off so you look cool to your friends then fish for compliments.Ex.
Matt- good job on that home run dude
Charlie-yea! you did a banging good job!
Fred-leave me alone I'm tired,that really took alot out of me
Matt- i could tell
Fred-yea, and my leg was hurting before so i didn't even think i could even hit a ball
Charile-wow good job under all that pressure
Fred-yea, and my cat just died
Sarah- poor baby
Fred-yea,(fake tear) poor mopsie, she died of the worms
Sarah-Worms it only cost 25$ to fix the worms
Fred -(correcting himself) yea, but really dangerous um, hybrid worms(oh the lies keep on coming),I hope I hit better next time though
charlie-better?you just hit a home run
Fred-I know but it went a little too left
Sarah-Are you fishing for compliments(uh oh)?
Fred-what! no,no,never (dirty lying sumbag)
Sarah-Omg! you are
Fred- No I'm not!(sqeaky voice
Sarah- then why the s-ss-studering?
charlie-ha ha ha how embarassing
Matt-Dude you're so lame
sarah- let's go to burger King ,with out Fred
Charlie-by dude, see you never
Matt-Cough*loser*
The End
9.) Don't lie to people and say their outfits look nice when they really look like they decided to wear a shirt that had been vomited on by first graders who ate to much christmas cake.
10.) So in essence stop making complete ass of yourselves and let your personality(no matter how sucky it is) shine
So, how are you ladies and gents doing today?
My Rant on Accents and Pronunciations
If you are one of those intolerable American anus holes who make fun of other peoples accents or pronuciation of words PAY ATTENTION.
1.I can pronuce ask anyway I bloody well want to!So if you and friends want to make fun and say I want to axe someone which also goes to show how little creativity and ill bred you are go ahead but one day i will axe you and there will be no correct answer.
2.I can say soda anyway I want. So what if I sound like some some gyspise on a mountain of crack ?I don't make fun of you, when you say shedule wrong!
3.I am soooooooo very sick of hearing people who've never been to Jamacia make crappy jamacian accents and say that's how they talk.Then,when i correct them they say I'm not a "real" jamacian despite my birth certificate and then those arsemongering assholes have the audacity! to sing dance hall then call it regeae and act like they know the difference when i point it out to them
4.Personally I hate british accents, they remind of my horrible childhood with my fat scottish aunts breathing down my neck everyday, reaking of white diamonds and carrying cups of horrible Earl Grey between their pudggy, freckly (I hate freckles) fingers.
5.Okay, I understand if you are an avid southpark watcher and you watched the Starvin' Marvin episode, and you do that clicking noise to signify a starving african person whenever you see a feed the children commerical.However if you are just some racist bastard who cares about nothing but monster trucks and Karey Pickler's new cd and do that every time you see a well fed african american person, i offically hate you.
6.I love middleeastern and south asian accents and when people make fun of them they are somewhat funny, however, do not ever bring the word terrorist into it when you do them or you just look like a prejudice anus hole that has such a sucky life that you have to put down anything that seems foriegn or ambiguous to your mintue and uncultured brain.
7.Spanish accent's are sorta cheesy but I love them they have this natural rythm about them that makes me want to romba a little.so keep it up latino's
8.There are no correct pronuciations for anything the only recirement is for the person to stay within thier allotted alphabet.
9.Ever since second grade and I heard three words "hail the furah" in a Hilter documentaryI've been in love with Eastern european accents.I love the thickness soooooooooooo nexy (nazi-sexy).
10.I loath Canadian accents.No if ands or buts.They sound like supream dushes (except you lovely and amazing one's that speak french)
11.Who decide that swedish accents were sexy?I don't think so in the very least, in fact hedi can go jump off a cliff (yes! a pun)
Now that I'm done how are you ladies and gents doing this evening?
1.I can pronuce ask anyway I bloody well want to!So if you and friends want to make fun and say I want to axe someone which also goes to show how little creativity and ill bred you are go ahead but one day i will axe you and there will be no correct answer.
2.I can say soda anyway I want. So what if I sound like some some gyspise on a mountain of crack ?I don't make fun of you, when you say shedule wrong!
3.I am soooooooo very sick of hearing people who've never been to Jamacia make crappy jamacian accents and say that's how they talk.Then,when i correct them they say I'm not a "real" jamacian despite my birth certificate and then those arsemongering assholes have the audacity! to sing dance hall then call it regeae and act like they know the difference when i point it out to them
4.Personally I hate british accents, they remind of my horrible childhood with my fat scottish aunts breathing down my neck everyday, reaking of white diamonds and carrying cups of horrible Earl Grey between their pudggy, freckly (I hate freckles) fingers.
5.Okay, I understand if you are an avid southpark watcher and you watched the Starvin' Marvin episode, and you do that clicking noise to signify a starving african person whenever you see a feed the children commerical.However if you are just some racist bastard who cares about nothing but monster trucks and Karey Pickler's new cd and do that every time you see a well fed african american person, i offically hate you.
6.I love middleeastern and south asian accents and when people make fun of them they are somewhat funny, however, do not ever bring the word terrorist into it when you do them or you just look like a prejudice anus hole that has such a sucky life that you have to put down anything that seems foriegn or ambiguous to your mintue and uncultured brain.
7.Spanish accent's are sorta cheesy but I love them they have this natural rythm about them that makes me want to romba a little.so keep it up latino's
8.There are no correct pronuciations for anything the only recirement is for the person to stay within thier allotted alphabet.
9.Ever since second grade and I heard three words "hail the furah" in a Hilter documentaryI've been in love with Eastern european accents.I love the thickness soooooooooooo nexy (nazi-sexy).
10.I loath Canadian accents.No if ands or buts.They sound like supream dushes (except you lovely and amazing one's that speak french)
11.Who decide that swedish accents were sexy?I don't think so in the very least, in fact hedi can go jump off a cliff (yes! a pun)
Now that I'm done how are you ladies and gents doing this evening?
My rant on being tall
If you are a adolscent having the horrific label of being tall "for your age"(whatever that means) PAY ATTENTION
*note- I wrote this rant because not and half an hour ago I knocked the top of my head with unbelievable force attempting to get out of my father's sedan.Also this is rant about being tall, not about lacking height or hating tall people.
1.Everyone thinks you'er like 19 when your in actuality you're14 (Which is not good for guilibale girls like me who dry heaves for joy at the mere mention of candy)even though you have no mature features about you except your height
2.If you do Ballroom dancing, your always the boy.
3.Jeans shopping
4.Shoe shopping- do you know how bloody humilating it is, just because your tall, to be asked if you wear a size 11 shoe?I mean is that even a humanly possibly foot size for a girl?
5.Dining room chandeliers
6.Somehow, ever since grade school, all the tall people get in this weird growing competion, it's simply horrific. I can't even count on all my apendages how many times I've been in verbal or physical scrapes due to this.i mean if you want to be the tallest in the class just take the bloody title.
7.When you have a crush on someone shorter than you.But as my mother put so eloquently in that horrid jamacian accent of hers " you don't want a short man, all short men can do is tear up sheets" ( It's been three years since she said that and the meaning is still unclear to me, but I'm guessing something very vulgar)
8.Eating, I've noticed that all tall people (unless your a crack head model) are simply enchanting by eating.There is no problem with it when you're with your family or whatever.But goodness me,when your out with your friends, and everyone got a six inch sub and a diet coke and you got a 12 ich sub with baked doritos and three peanut butter cookies AND a non diet sprite something is very wrong.
9. Halloween costumes,they are made in two adult sizes, normal and fat.The normal is always too short and a little too loose and the fat is well...very roomy.So I usally have to wear one of those lame president masks (go Bush)
10.When people ask to borrow your jeans or dresses.Too humiliating for words, maybe i could try.
Me-Here are the jeans you wanted to borrow ( throws them over bathroom stall)
normal girl- (catches them) thanks let me try them on (gets undressed and puts them on)
me- do they fit?
Normal girl- umm, they're a little long
me-just fold them up a little they're a little long on me too
normal girl-(sigh) you don't understand Nichole
me- (Bitch!) then show me
Normal girl-(steps out of stall the jeans engulf her entire foot)
me- Oh (tiny voice) I um guess they don't fit...sorry....stupid idea
Normal girl- I never realized how big you were before Nichole ...wow, your about as big as my dad
me- yeah, just hand them over
Normal girl-okay, let me go in the stall
me- no now!give them to me now!" Miss big as your dad" commands you
Normal- Now Nichole, i didn't mean it like that
me-I don't care!hand it over before I Chris Brow you (with the raging fires of hell in my eyes)
Normal girl- Chill out (slinking out of my overly vertical jeans)
me-Don't tell me to f*ing Chill out you clothes borrowing whore ( I leave dramatically with my pride hanging on for dear life)
Normal girl- ass hole ( shouting as the door swings shut)
Well now that I got that off my chest how are you ladies and gentlemen doing this rainy night?
Updated about 11 months ago. · Comment · Like
*note- I wrote this rant because not and half an hour ago I knocked the top of my head with unbelievable force attempting to get out of my father's sedan.Also this is rant about being tall, not about lacking height or hating tall people.
1.Everyone thinks you'er like 19 when your in actuality you're14 (Which is not good for guilibale girls like me who dry heaves for joy at the mere mention of candy)even though you have no mature features about you except your height
2.If you do Ballroom dancing, your always the boy.
3.Jeans shopping
4.Shoe shopping- do you know how bloody humilating it is, just because your tall, to be asked if you wear a size 11 shoe?I mean is that even a humanly possibly foot size for a girl?
5.Dining room chandeliers
6.Somehow, ever since grade school, all the tall people get in this weird growing competion, it's simply horrific. I can't even count on all my apendages how many times I've been in verbal or physical scrapes due to this.i mean if you want to be the tallest in the class just take the bloody title.
7.When you have a crush on someone shorter than you.But as my mother put so eloquently in that horrid jamacian accent of hers " you don't want a short man, all short men can do is tear up sheets" ( It's been three years since she said that and the meaning is still unclear to me, but I'm guessing something very vulgar)
8.Eating, I've noticed that all tall people (unless your a crack head model) are simply enchanting by eating.There is no problem with it when you're with your family or whatever.But goodness me,when your out with your friends, and everyone got a six inch sub and a diet coke and you got a 12 ich sub with baked doritos and three peanut butter cookies AND a non diet sprite something is very wrong.
9. Halloween costumes,they are made in two adult sizes, normal and fat.The normal is always too short and a little too loose and the fat is well...very roomy.So I usally have to wear one of those lame president masks (go Bush)
10.When people ask to borrow your jeans or dresses.Too humiliating for words, maybe i could try.
Me-Here are the jeans you wanted to borrow ( throws them over bathroom stall)
normal girl- (catches them) thanks let me try them on (gets undressed and puts them on)
me- do they fit?
Normal girl- umm, they're a little long
me-just fold them up a little they're a little long on me too
normal girl-(sigh) you don't understand Nichole
me- (Bitch!) then show me
Normal girl-(steps out of stall the jeans engulf her entire foot)
me- Oh (tiny voice) I um guess they don't fit...sorry....stupid idea
Normal girl- I never realized how big you were before Nichole ...wow, your about as big as my dad
me- yeah, just hand them over
Normal girl-okay, let me go in the stall
me- no now!give them to me now!" Miss big as your dad" commands you
Normal- Now Nichole, i didn't mean it like that
me-I don't care!hand it over before I Chris Brow you (with the raging fires of hell in my eyes)
Normal girl- Chill out (slinking out of my overly vertical jeans)
me-Don't tell me to f*ing Chill out you clothes borrowing whore ( I leave dramatically with my pride hanging on for dear life)
Normal girl- ass hole ( shouting as the door swings shut)
Well now that I got that off my chest how are you ladies and gentlemen doing this rainy night?
Updated about 11 months ago. · Comment · Like
My Rant on African revival african Americans
If you are one of those annoying black people who always talk about the crap your ancestors had to go through PAY ATTENTION!
*Note-By no means am I racist or hate being black.In fact I read Roots it was a pretty good book too (for a black author) omg I can't believe I just put that!INGNORE THE PARTHETHESE!!!!!!!!1
1.Wtf is up with wearing head wraps everywhere,I'm pretty sure in Africa they can't even afford headwraps.
2.Ok, I understand that there is still racism in the world but, when you don't get a job it's not beacause your named chikwanna, it's because you got your bloody undergraduate degree in African studies instead of something actual useful to people who want a job out of a NGO like finanace.
3.Please stop wearing those horrific animal print robe thingies.You look like first class arse holes and are most definatly making a mockery of your "motherland' .
4.I understand that slavery was very bad and you want some compenstation for all your ancestors work but your residual checks are never coming.So get your lazy welfare asses up and go get some mininmum wage like the rest of the minorities in America.
5.If you don't like being called a Nigger (oh yeah! I typed it .what now son!)then don't say it yourself.I see nothing wrong with saying it or being called it these days and I don't care if I sound like a republican.
6.There is no such thing as "White People music".I mean wtf really.don't you understand if you segragate things you're just exacerbating the differences (dumbasses)
7.Black doesn't tan, so stop lying to yourselves.
8.I'm unclear why people with dark skin are considered ugly.To me skin color shouldn't matter, but if you must make fun of people darker than you let's get the whole of Anglo America to make fun of how much darker than you are compared to them and see how you feel.
9.I hate rap music and i'm black.deal with it(omg that felt so "gangsta").
10.weave- just don't wear it you look stupid because everyone can tell that i's fake so it loses it purpose.So let your napps show (that's how you spell that right?)
p.s.Obama isn't God so stop acting like it.he will be a decent president not our messiah.And I'm stick of seeing those cheap Obama shirts don't you arse holes know you stop wearing them after the election so the republicans don't feel like such losers (which they are).It's called manners, and I'm pretty sure they teach them in Africa.
So how are you ladies and gentlelmen doing on this lovely Spring Break
*Note-By no means am I racist or hate being black.In fact I read Roots it was a pretty good book too (for a black author) omg I can't believe I just put that!INGNORE THE PARTHETHESE!!!!!!!!1
1.Wtf is up with wearing head wraps everywhere,I'm pretty sure in Africa they can't even afford headwraps.
2.Ok, I understand that there is still racism in the world but, when you don't get a job it's not beacause your named chikwanna, it's because you got your bloody undergraduate degree in African studies instead of something actual useful to people who want a job out of a NGO like finanace.
3.Please stop wearing those horrific animal print robe thingies.You look like first class arse holes and are most definatly making a mockery of your "motherland' .
4.I understand that slavery was very bad and you want some compenstation for all your ancestors work but your residual checks are never coming.So get your lazy welfare asses up and go get some mininmum wage like the rest of the minorities in America.
5.If you don't like being called a Nigger (oh yeah! I typed it .what now son!)then don't say it yourself.I see nothing wrong with saying it or being called it these days and I don't care if I sound like a republican.
6.There is no such thing as "White People music".I mean wtf really.don't you understand if you segragate things you're just exacerbating the differences (dumbasses)
7.Black doesn't tan, so stop lying to yourselves.
8.I'm unclear why people with dark skin are considered ugly.To me skin color shouldn't matter, but if you must make fun of people darker than you let's get the whole of Anglo America to make fun of how much darker than you are compared to them and see how you feel.
9.I hate rap music and i'm black.deal with it(omg that felt so "gangsta").
10.weave- just don't wear it you look stupid because everyone can tell that i's fake so it loses it purpose.So let your napps show (that's how you spell that right?)
p.s.Obama isn't God so stop acting like it.he will be a decent president not our messiah.And I'm stick of seeing those cheap Obama shirts don't you arse holes know you stop wearing them after the election so the republicans don't feel like such losers (which they are).It's called manners, and I'm pretty sure they teach them in Africa.
So how are you ladies and gentlelmen doing on this lovely Spring Break
WHY THE PICTURE OF DORIAN GRAY SUCKED SO HARD (he he he he that was punny)
ATTENTION: IF YOU ARE A PERSON OF INNOCENCE DO NOT READ THIS BOOK.
1.I hate reading novels about people "ruining themselves", honestly get a life Mr. Wilde
2.That book has poisoned me just like that novel did to Dorian, I do believe I shall have a horrific complex about growing old and being clever.
3.It was very sexist, Usually sexist things don't bother me, however, this novel , talked about women being mere diddling accessories that you would be intimate for a while, until they started nagging and saying always.IF YOU DON"T WANT YOUR BITCH SAYING ALWAYS DON"T FUCKING MARRY HER.
4.The ending was really terrible,Jk Rowling could think of a better ending in her sleep.
5.Though the words were pretty, the morals were dangerous and the story bland
6. It was overly predictable and dragged on when it had no business doing so.
7. There was one purpose to certain scenes which was to romanticize a character too bland and winy to truly care about.
8.Why did he always mention the shape of Dorian's nostrils? Yep, that's what I want in a man, not an intellect or proper manners,nicely carved nostrils
9. It was too Greek for my taste, 9 of 10 metaphors and descriptions were obvious Greek views. Even the story had a lame Greek flair.
10.It was homoerotic and I can never admit I read that horrid novel in decent company. (not you Chrianya)
1.I hate reading novels about people "ruining themselves", honestly get a life Mr. Wilde
2.That book has poisoned me just like that novel did to Dorian, I do believe I shall have a horrific complex about growing old and being clever.
3.It was very sexist, Usually sexist things don't bother me, however, this novel , talked about women being mere diddling accessories that you would be intimate for a while, until they started nagging and saying always.IF YOU DON"T WANT YOUR BITCH SAYING ALWAYS DON"T FUCKING MARRY HER.
4.The ending was really terrible,Jk Rowling could think of a better ending in her sleep.
5.Though the words were pretty, the morals were dangerous and the story bland
6. It was overly predictable and dragged on when it had no business doing so.
7. There was one purpose to certain scenes which was to romanticize a character too bland and winy to truly care about.
8.Why did he always mention the shape of Dorian's nostrils? Yep, that's what I want in a man, not an intellect or proper manners,nicely carved nostrils
9. It was too Greek for my taste, 9 of 10 metaphors and descriptions were obvious Greek views. Even the story had a lame Greek flair.
10.It was homoerotic and I can never admit I read that horrid novel in decent company. (not you Chrianya)
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